Fic: Love Like Winter
Dec. 31st, 2006 08:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spikeysgrl18Happy New Year!
Title: Love Like Winter
Author: Jami (spikeysgrl18)
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Characters: Addison/Mark
Rating: 15
Summary: She was fine now, minutes before the clock struck twelve. She’d be fine a minute after. It was just that damn stroke of midnight that was sure to break her heart.
Warnings: set anytime after Oh, the Guilt.
Disclaimer: All characters, etc. are the property of Shonda Rhimes, ABC, and the respective producers. I own nothing and no one.
Seattle was a beautiful place at night, especially on those rare cloudless nights when the stars twinkled and the Space Needle appeared as a beacon to all those looking up. Tonight was no exception. While the stars were once again hidden from view by the ever present rain clouds, the sky was lit up in bright colors in a mesmerizing display that Addison couldn’t turn away from.
There had been those countless years in New York, New Years spent in Times Square sipping champagne and staring at the dazzling fireworks in wonderment. At least in the beginning it had filled her with a sense of awe. After awhile it had grown commonplace, tiresome. Perhaps she was just getting older, growing tired of the late nights. Perhaps she had just been growing tired of her life, and every sensation became dulled because of it.
Something was different about New Year’s Eve in Seattle. Sure, there were crowds, plenty of alcohol to go around, and the traditional fireworks, nothing had changed there. She wasn’t even sure if it was the city itself or just her that was so drastically different. Probably her.
Besides, the thought of wandering outside her hotel room and mingling with the revelers brought her no joy. Content to sit and watch the fireworks from her balcony, sitting alone with a glass of champagne, Addison listened to the sound of cheering and laughter below.
The clock had yet to strike twelve but that dampened no ones’ spirits.
There would be drastic changes in store for her this coming year and there was a time when she might have welcomed them. As it was, she had grown tired. Tired of trying to make a marriage work when she was the only one who still wanted in. Tired of watching the man she had planned to grow old with fawn over a girl.
And she was a girl in every sense of the word. Young, naïve, unchallenging.
Addison was merely waiting for the day when Derek realized that the only thing that would ever satisfy him was a challenge. That didn’t mean she’d ever take him back. But somewhere deep inside she’d derive some perverse pleasure from his revelation. Payback is a bitch.
Still, she almost wishes she had started her private celebration early so that by this time she would be blissfully unconscious. Sleeping through the holidays did tend to make them more bearable. She was fine now, minutes before the clock struck twelve. She’d be fine a minute after.
It was just that damn stroke of midnight that was sure to break her heart.
Glancing at her unadorned hand, Addison took a deep swallow from her now empty glass. No wedding rings. No Derek. And when that inevitable time came, when midnight finally arrived, there would be no kiss to start the New Year, no sign of better times to come.
Just a woman, alone in a hotel room, drinking expensive champagne by herself and staring masochistically at the pale lines around her ring finger.
One minute.
Voices from the streets, some over loud speakers and microphones announced the time and she stared dispassionately at her empty glass before standing with a sigh and ambling back inside. Finding the nearly empty bottle where she had left it, Addison poured herself another drink, holding the glass up in a mock toast before tilting it to her lips.
The knock on her door startled her and she nearly spilled every drop onto the carpet.
Fifty seconds.
She wasn’t sure who she had expected it to be. Probably one of the hotel staff. She was relatively sure she had ordered something from room service not too long ago. By now though the alcohol had gone to her head and her short term memory was the first thing to pay the price.
Opening the door, she blinked slowly, looking up at the familiar face standing before her, unsure whether to welcome him or turn him away.
“What are you doing here, Mark?”
Forty seconds.
He looks surprisingly sheepish, head bowed and shoulders hunched slightly, but his eyes didn’t lack the intensity that they had whenever he was around her.
“I didn’t want you to spend the night alone,” he murmurs, slow and soft. She can’t help the small, slightly amused grin that blossoms across her face, despite the chiding shake of her head. That is so like Mark. Never an innocuous statement from him.
“I don’t need, or want, a babysitter,” Addison informed him tartly. “Nor a shoulder to lean on, a hand-holder, or a sympathetic ear.”
“I just want to be a friend,” Mark assured her sincerely.
When she let out a disbelieving snort even he cracked a small, smug grin.
Thirty seconds.
It was probably a stupid decision she admitted, one of many really, as she released her hold on the door and wandered idly back inside her room, listening but not watching Mark follow her inside and the door closing gently behind him.
Getting involved with Mark never led to anything but pain and heartache. He said he loved her, maybe he even meant it, but he was still the same Mark she knew in New York. The same man who slept with any number of nameless and faceless girls to pass the time. He hadn’t changed, maybe never would. He just didn’t seem to have it in him.
But all the reasons in the world couldn’t make her turn him away. She wished she could. She wished that when it came to matters of the heart she wasn’t weak. But he had been her best friend, her shoulder to cry on when Derek ignored her, and much more. She loved him. It would never be enough to satisfy the both of them, but that didn’t change facts.
“Why are you really here?”
Twenty seconds.
Her voice was wary as she nursed her glass once more, watching him curiously as he smiled down at her, a gentle hand coming up to tuck her hair behind her ear.
“Its tradition,” he murmured, caressing the soft skin of her cheek and smiling slightly when she doesn’t immediately pull away and rebuke him, instead leaning tentatively into his touch. “You’re supposed to be with the one you love on New Year’s Eve.”
“Mark.” And there was the inevitable admonishment, a small frown on her face as she pulled away from him.
Ten seconds.
“Don’t,” she whispered as he took a step toward her. He refused to listen, something he did all the time, and moved in front of her, taking her face gently in his hands.
“I love you, Addison,” he mumbled, voice low and husky as he held her gaze and she found herself unable to look away. “You may not want to hear it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”
Five seconds.
She doesn’t tell him she loves him. He doesn’t expect her to. Too much has happened for her to just open up to him. She couldn’t give him that much more power over her. Not that he didn’t have it already.
Her gaze flicked to her hand, now curled tightly around his shirt, staring at her empty ring finger.
Three seconds.
He sees her gaze falter and follows her eyes, his expression softening when he notices what she is staring at so intently. His hand left her face, sliding down her arm before softly grasping her hand in his own and pulling it up to his lips, placing a small kiss on the spot where his best friend’s rings used to be. It was an oddly symbolic gesture that both touched her and made her want to turn away.
One second.
Tugging on her hand still held in his grasp he pulled her close, smiling when she tilted her head back to look up at him, unresisting as he leaned forward, his lips brushing against hers.
Happy New Year.
Jubilation could be heard on the streets as innumerous fireworks flew into the air, exploding in brilliant colors. It was safe to say that almost no one was watching the breathtaking display. Lips pressed harder, more insistently against his own and Mark wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him as his other hand tangled in her hair.
New years were for new beginnings. While Mark wasn’t exactly a newcomer in her life, so much had changed for her already that having him here; a hint of the familiar had a calming, comforting effect.
Her marriage was over. Derek would no longer be there to share the holidays. New York was no longer home.
But Mark still loved her. And that made the coming year a little less frightening.
1/1.
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Date: 2007-01-01 05:55 am (UTC)Happy New Year!
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